Well, here I am, still here pushing threw just getting on with life.
Around 4 weeks ago my life came crashing around me, I was 21 weeks pregnant I’d just been to the hospital for my gestergation scan & had some tummy pains, the nurse told me I would have to stay in hospital so they could keep monitoring my baby, I went home grabbed anything I needed and made my way back to the hospital. I wasn’t surprised, since I found out I was pregnant my placenta had not attached right and had caused a subcronic hemorage and so from 6 weeks to 21 this was me, in pain, bleeding & so so much worry.
As I stayed in hospital that night my pain got worse, I started having full term labour contractions, they got out the doopler and checked the heartbeat, where I heard with my own ears my baby’s heartbeat going strong, with the midwife and nurses doing all they could but nothing could stop my contractions my waters broke and my precious baby boy came sleeping soundly into this world, my whole world came crashing around me. Why me? What have I ever done to deserve this? Please, I just want to hold & cuddle MY BABY and tell him how precious and special he is to me.
Devastation was nothing to how I felt, I was numb, sore, damaged and I just wanted to meet my boy. When the midwife brought my baby out in a little cot, with his perfect little face & beauitiful button nose, 10 tiny fingers & 10 tiny toes, perfect in every single way, not one mark on him, a proper baby, only a little small, It broke my heart to see him laying there not moving & cold. I picked him up and I cuddled him, kissed him and just talked to him about his family who love him so much. He was the image of his big brother which was an unbearable thought. He deserves so much more than what he got.
I spent the next five hours with my baby boy, I couldn’t kiss him enough, touch his beautiful lips, hold and cry, I cried and cried and cried, why did this happen to me?? My body failed me, it took my son off me, ripped him away and now I will NEVER get him back.
I am going to continue doing a blog on my life from that day, I feel it helps me to tell my story & I do hope someone finds ease reading it. I will be back on again to write about my hospital memory box & my baby’s ashes! I still constantly ask why me? Why was my baby taken away ??
Everyone has there only story to tell, but I thought I’d share mine. Thanks for reading 😊
Be back soon……